


(S^THE^E? 



Commercial Traveler; 

A DRAMA IN THREE ACTS, 

V 

JOSIAH SINCLAIR. 



G^THE^D 



Commercial Traveler 

A DRAMA IN THREE ACTS, 

JOSIAH SINCLAIR. 




CHARACTERS. 



GEORGE w. McMillan, 

AAROX BAXTER, 

ROBERT B. ARMSTEAD. 

HEXRY WALTERS, Book-keeper. 

CHARLES BROWX, Commercial Traveler. 

CHARLES F. H. ULRICH, Packing Clerk 

DAVID CROSBY, 

JOHN McLAIN, 

GEORGE CUNNINGHAM 

FRANK PEABODY, 

ROBERT O'NEIL, 

RICHARD JOHNSON, 

LEVI ROSENBURG, 

ADAM BARNES, 

ALFRED HEADLY. ) 

MRS. CHARLES BROWN. 

LOUISA NEINSCHWANDER, a Servant Girl 

Merchants, Lawyers, Citizens, Police, &c. 



Of the firm of McMillan, Baxter 
& Armstead, New York. 



Commercial Travelers. 



The Acts of this drama occur during the months of December, 
1876 and Januarv, 1877. 



TMP96-0068i3 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1877, by 

J. SINCLAIR and W. MULHERN, 
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



THE COMMERCIAL TRAVELER. 



ACT I. 

E7iter McMillan and Baxter. 
McMil. Good-morning gentlemen. 
Bax. Any business this morning ? 

Arm Nothing more than a i^^ small orders. We notice 
the failure of Donald & Pratt. 
Bax. Where do you notice that ? 
Arm. Under head of special telegrams 
l.^cT^wi ^' '^ POf ible! they owe us twenty thousand dol- 
lars j" What are the assets and what the liabilities > 

A7^m. Assets fifty-two thousand, liabilities one hundred 
and forty-eight thousand. 

McMil P^ bad failure, will hardly pay anything. 
Bax. Have we any word from Brown ^ 
Arm. No word from him, do not know where he is. 
Bax. Well, if matters are to continue in this way much 
onger we might as well dispose of our stock and discon- 
tinue the business. An over-stock of goods and no one to 
offer them to the trade ; our customers failing and no one to 
' h.M ? ^""^ interests-all, too, that our drummer may have a 
bridal trip. Other firms are pushing their business, but ours 
mus remain at a stand-still undl Brown, our drummer, has 
finished his bridal tour. Marriage is all well enough when 
■ ^hnnU™^ ? circumstances are favorable, but a drummer 
should not i;eckon his course in such a way as to interfere 
; with his employment. Brown should not have presumed so 
; much ; he is our commercial traveler and business agent only 



4 The Commercial Traveler. 

and should not be allowed to absent himself from his duties. 
Two weeks on a bridal tour and not heard from. The right 
course for us would be to employ another salesman and 
allow Mr. Brown to continue the trip for a life-time if he 
likes. We can get a better man for less money, and why 
not do it ? 

McMil. Mr. Baxter, you seem to be very much displeased 
with Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown has always been faithful to our 
interests, and through him as much as our own efforts we 
have been enabled to accumulate wealth from the profits of 
a good business. True he has been absent for several days, 
but then I do not think that he has forgotten us, and no 
doubt will return soon. At the present time it would be 
well to close out-standing accounts as they become due, but 
make no effort to sell goods on time. Other firms are try- 
ing to put their business in good shape, and it would be well 
for us to do likewise. The wise farmer garners his grain in 
view of a threatening storm, but the foolish husbandman al- 
lows his sheaves to remain in the field. We may not be able 
to avert the civil strife that is threatening, and should we be 
unable to effect a compromise of our political troubles upon 
a just and equitable basis then the country will be rocked 
by the tempest of civil war and our temple of political lib- 
erty may not be able to stand. However, as regards our 
business, a ship at sea can but continue the voyage, and we 
can only look well to our boat and drift with the tide of 
events. A strong demand for compromise is being made 
by those who are not professional politicians and who have 
the true interests and welfare of the country at heart. I am 
doing what little I can in the interests of peace, and I believe 
the demands of the people will be so great that they must 
be heard. 

Bax. Well, as for me, I believe there is no danger of polit- 
ical strife — of civil war. The lawful returns have decided 
who is to be the next President, and all that will be neces- 
sary will be to concentrate a sufficient force to see that the 
proper man is inaugurated. The present state of the coun-j 
try doesn't trouble me in the least. We have goods to sell,| 
and Brown ought to be on the road, or we should get som( 
one to take his place. 



The Commercial Traveler. 5 

McMiL If we have business that demands early attention 
why not send out one of the boys, any one of them would 
like to go and no doubt would perform the duties satisfac- 
torily. 

^f/u ^ ^*^"'^ ^"^^^ which one we could send, unless it 
would be Herman, and he would be more of a surprise than 
a success. 

McMiL Well, suppose we let him try it. The fast line 
gees West at 3 o'clock, and he might be able to start by 
that time. Mr. Walters please ask Herman to come into 
th^ office. [^^,y Walters. 

£?iter Letter Carrier. 

Car. Letters! IHands letters to Baxtf.r. i^jrzV Carrier. 
Bax. \_Opens and reads letter. 

Richmond, Ind., Dec. 23RD, 1876. 
Messrs. McMillan, Baxter & Armstead, 

Gendemen :— You are hereby notified that J. G. Acker 
& Co. of this city have made an assignment of their prop- 
erty for the benefit of their creditors. Assets twenty thous- 
and dollars, liabilities forty-nine thousand dollars. 
Yours respectfully, 

A. Morris, Assignee. 
McMiL That is bad news ! It is to be hoped that our cus- 
tomers will not all fail. It would be well for Herman to visit 
customers of doubtful standing, if we have any of them and 
try and put their accounts in good shape. 

I Enter Herman and Walters. 

j //'^r. Shendemen, Mr. Walters zay you like to zee me. 

McMiL Yes. Herman is your name I believe. 
\ Jfer. Dat vos my name, Charles Frederick Herman 
[Ulrich. 

I McMiL Quite a large name, and as we have concluded to 
[send you on a business tour, we hope that you will be able 
to adapt your name to business, and if so, you will make a 
good report. 

Bax. We don't want you to go on a bridal tour, Charles 
Herman Frederick Ulrich, we have one man on that kind of 
a trip now and that is sufficient. We will tell you where we 



6 The Commercial Traveler. 

want you to go, what we want done, and then we want you 
to go and do it. You understand, do you ? 

Her. I go on te peesnis vat you tole me. [Aside.'] May pe 
I vind Louisa, den I care vor not who tells any pody I vos 
gone on a bridal drip. 

Bax. I guess there is no danger of a speedy marriage in 
your case, so you will answer our purpose. We want you 
to leave on the 3 o'clock train, and you had better make 
preparations at once. [Looks at his watch.'] It is now 12 
o'clock. We will make out a route for you and have papers 
and instructions ready by 2 o'clock. 

Her. I vas ready in two hour and not zo much as vos 
dat long. 

McMil. Herman, I will be absent when you return, and 
would say that when you get to Cincinnati, if Banks & Wed- 
del's note has not been paid we will send it to you and have 
you see Mr. Carrick, our attorney, and try and have them 
settle it. Mr. Brown does not think much of them and I 
have been somewhat suspicious of them myself, owing to 
their peculiar way of doing business. If the note is not 
paid we will send it to you and we want you to make them 
settle it by paying the money. I will now bid you good-bye, 
wishing you a safe journey and hoping that you may have 
a satisfactory trip, in a business point of view. Always stop 
at the best hotels and take good care of yourself [Exit 
Herman.] There is a special meeting of the Board of Trade 
for the purpose of asking Congress to agree upon some 
plan of compromise, and as it is expected that each mem- 
ber will be present, I will be absent during the remainder of 
the day. You can give Herman all necessary instructions ; 
I feel confident that he will carry them out to the letter, and 
in the meantime we will have Mr. Brown's assistance. Give 
him a letter of introduction to Thomas Martin, and have 
him stop off en route and see him. Martin is an old friend 
of mine and a good customer, I promised him that we would 
stop at his place. Good-evening. [Exit McMillan. 

Bax. Mr. Brown's assistance ! If I had matters to arrange 
for the interests of the firm I would give Mr. Brown his dis- 
charge. The Board of Trade asking Congress to agree 
upon some plan of compromise ! We want no compromise. 



The Commercial Traveler. 7 

We will have Herman ^^o as far West as St. Louis, and 
return by the way of Memphis, Louisville, Cincinnati and 
other points. McMillan and Brown talking about Banks & 
Weddel not being- reliable ! We have no more reliable cus- 
tomers than Banks & Weddel. Brown had the impudence 
to ask Banks for a statement of their affairs, but he learned 
they were worth a hundred thousand ; we have no better 
men on our books, they are my customers. 

[Baxter and Walters arrayige papers. Ctirtaiii. 

SCENE II.— Herman's Chamber.— A poor but neat Room.— Her- 
man arranging for the trip. 

Her. {^Examining his clothes^ Now I vas ready vor der 
drip, I wears mine goot clothes vat I brings vrom Shermanie, 
and vas a vashionable shentleman. \_Ope71s a large trunk 
valise.'] Dat vos one goot valise, [ Takes coffee pot from 
valise f\ . Dat vos one goot goffee bot. I make goffee on der 
drip. I go and show dem vot a Sherman man vos done. 
Der Sherman mans vas der schmarter den vos Americans. 
King Villiam vas a Sherman man; Bismarck vas a Sherman 
man; Von Moltke vas a Sherman man; Frederick te Great 

vas a Sherman man; Napoleon vas a Napoleon vas a 

Vrenchman; Napoleon vas one werry werry great man 
pecause Frederick te Great vas died; Schiller vas a Sherman 
man. I dakes mine guitar. 
\^Si7igs while packing guitar and other musical instruments. 

"Wenn die schwalben heimwarts ziehti, 

Wenn die Rosen nioht mehr bluh'n, 
Wcnn der Nachtigall Gesang, 

Mit der Nachtigall verklang, 
Fragt das Herz in bangem Schmerz. 

Fragt das Herz in bangem Schmerz. 
Ob ich dich auch wieder seh' 

Scheiden, ach Scheiden, den, Scheiden thut weh." 

Now I vas done and goes vor a gommercial drummer sellin 
goots. May pe I vind Louisa. Louisa gome vrom Bremen 
mit Baltimore ; I gome vrom Bremen mit New York. [ Takes 
valise and coffee pot and examines his clothes.'] Dat \'Os one 
vine suit. Now I vas ready and pees gone. 

Exit Herman. Curtain. 



8 The Commercial Traveler. 

SCENE III.— Office of McMillan, Baxter & Armstead.— Baxter, 
Armstead and Walters in the Office. 

£7zfer Herman. 

Bax. Well, Frederick Herman Ulrich Charles, I suppose 
you are ready. 

I/er. Yes, I vas ready. 

Bax. You was was you ? What are you going to do with 
that coffee pot — take a supply of lager with you ? 

//er. Mr. Baxter you make voolishness mit me, I make 
some goffee on der road. 

Bax. Suppose you allow somebody else to make the 
coffee on the road, we don't want you to put in your time 
cooking ; it will be necessary for you to stop at hotels and 
they will furnish you with coffee. Take these papers \^Hands 
papefs to Herman.] You can read, and they will tell you 
where we want you to go and what we want done, j^ Takes 
vioney from drawer and counts one hundred dollars?)^ Here 
is one hundred dollars expense money, and should you need 
more we will send it to you, but a hundred dollars ought to 
be sufficient. S^Hands money to Herman.] Brown spends 
too much money, and we don't want you to pattern after 
him. You might as well walk from depots to hotels, unless 
at night, and carry your baggage, it will be a saving of fifty 
cents a day and perhaps more. So be off and let us hear 
from you often, at least once a day. [Armstead and Wal- 
ters bid ¥iY.vj^iK^ good-bye. Exit Herman.] I will not be 
surprised if McMillan offers Herman an interest in the busi- 
ness provided he sells a few bills of goods and makes a col- 
lection or two. His address and smooth gramatical speech 
should enable him to sell goods if nothing else were favora- 
ble. I remember now that I promised to be at home early 
this evening. Mr. Armstead if you will be here until 4 o'clock 
I will not remain longer. 

Arm. Certainly, I will be here until 4 o'clock. 

S^Exit Baxter. 

Wal. Why is it that Mr. Baxter is always finding fault 
with Mr. Brown ? 

Arm. I can't say as to that, complaint may be chronic in 
his case, Mr. McMillan doesn't think much of his complain- 



The Commercial Traveler. 9 

ing-, or at least a person would judge so by his actions. 
When I was traveling for the house he found fault with 
every thing that I did ; when I contracted large sales he 
found fault with the prices or the parties to whom I sold the 
goods. If I should happen to have a dull trip then he 
would complain and intimate that another man could be 
found who would sell more goods. I was under the impres- 
sion that my sales ought to be satisfactory to the house. 
Mr. Brown always excelled me, and of late years has been 
selling as many goods as we both ciid during the time I trav- 
eled. It was Mr. McMillan's pleasure that I became a mem- 
ber of the firm, and not by any act or desire of Mr. Baxter, 
as he opposed it. Mr. Baxter became a member of the firm 
in the same way that I did, or in other words, he had no cap- 
ital and it was at the pleasure of Mr. McMillan. Since receiv- 
ing an interest -in the business he has made considerable 
money, and, as he says, has married an heiress. He does 
not treat Mr. McMillan with the respect due him, for what- 
ever Baxter's position now he owes it to the good offices of 
Mr. McMillan. 

PVa/. Have you examined Mr. Baxter's account within 
the last two months ? 

Afv/i. No, I seldom look^at an account other than my 
own. 

PVa/. Within the last sixty days he has draw^n twenty 
thousand dollars. 

Arm. Twenty thousand dollars ! That is quite a sum to 
take from the business at this time, and I must say that it 
looks unfavorable. The firm has made nothing during the 
year, and at its commencement Mr. Baxter's account was 
forty thousand dollars and my own was ten thousand dol- 
lars. I would like to mention the matter to Mr. McMillan 
but it would be unpleasant for me to do so. 
[Armstead and Walters resiune their work. Curiai?i. 



lo The Commercial Traveler. 



ACT II. 

SCENE I. — A Depot. — Herman's arrival. — Omnibus and Carriage 
Drivers. 

Drivers. Here's your omnibus for any part of the city ! 
Omnibus to any part of the city ! Here's your carriage for 
any part of the city ! Carriage for the American House or 
any other hotel in the city ! {^Sces Herman.] Kept on the 
German plan. 

Her. Vot vas ter biggest house in te city ? 

Driver. The Capital building is the largest. 

Her. Veil I go dare. 

Driver. Get right in ! Here's your carriage for the Capi- 
tal hotel of the city, or any other hotel or part of the city ! 
\_Departure of carriages aiid omnibiLses. Oniain. 

SCENE II.— A Hotel Office.— Important Hotel Clerk.— (Commer- 
cial Travelers in the Office. — Arrival of Herman. 

Her. [^Addresses clerk.'] I vas gome to sday all night. 

Clerk. Register your name. [Herman registers.'] Your 
room is No. 399. Have check for your baggage or have it 
taken up ? 

Her. I leave him here vor a vile. 

O' Neil. Sauerkraut will have a lofty sleep. 

John. Yes, and a long run or a big jump in case of fire. 

O' N'eil. I wonder if Sauerkraut lies down when he goes 
to bed or sleeps standing. 

Cun. He will not want for sky-light, providing he rolls 
the roof up a litde, and can get plenty of fresh air by stick- 
ing his head out of the window. 

O' Neil. And sure you know the first peak that catches 
the sunlight is crowned monarch of the hills, and sure 
if Sauerkraut should roll the roof up a litde or stick his 
head out of the window, providing he finds the window to 
be large enough, why should he not be a monarch as well 
as a mountain ? The highest pole knocks the persimmon, 



The Commercial Traveler. ii 

and Sauerkraut will be the highest by the time he gets to 
399, if he doesn't knock the persimmon already. I like 
the cut of his coat, no doubt it is the latest style of the Ger- 
man Court. 

John. Stop your remarks O'Neil, the man might hear you. 

O' Neil. Perhaps it would be as well, I might be kicking 
at a bee with a splinter in its tail. 

[Herman approaches and addresses Cunningham. 

Her. Vas you vrom New York ? 

Clin. Yes, I am from New York, 

Her. I vas vrom New York to-day. Mr. Brown, you not 
know him, Mr. Brown vot travels vor sellin' dri goots ? 

Cun. Who ! Charlie Brown that represents McMillan, 
Baxter & Armstead ? 

Her. Yes, dat vos him. He pees on his bridal drip, and 
I vas gome to make a drip vor him. 

Cu7i. I am well acquainted with Mr. Brown, and, if I mis- 
take not, this is his friend Herman of whom I have heard 
him speak so often. 

[Cunningham and Herman shake hands. 

Her. Dat vos my name, Charles Frederick Herman 
Ulrich. [O'neil, Johnson and Peabody co7ne tip and are 
introduced. 

Cun. Gentlemen allow me to introduce to you Mr. Ulrich. 
He is making a trip for our old friend Brown, now on his 
bridal tour. ^All shake hands with Herman. Mr. McFad- 
YiY.^ , proprietor of the hotel, comes up and is introduced.. 

Cun. Mr. McFadden, this is Mr. Ulrich, he represents 
McMillan, Baxter & Armstead, of New York, and is reliev- 
ing Mr. Brown of business cares during his first month of 
connubial bliss. 

McFad. {^Shakes hands with Herman.] I am pleased to 
meet you Mr. Ulrich. Mr. and Mrs. Brown spent a day 
with us last week. \_Addfessing the party.'] We will try and 
take good care of Mr. Ulrich. \_McF ay)t>y.k goes to the regis- 
ter and addresses clerk.] Have you given Mr. Ulrich a 



room 



Clerk. Yes, No. 399, 

McFad. Change it to No. 24. 

Clerk. Who ! that Dutchman in 24 ? 



12 The Commercial Traveler. 

McFad. Sir, he will occupy No. 24. 

Her. Mr. McFadden ish der brobrietor of der hotel ? 

Cun. Yes, he is the proprietor and a clever g-entleman. 

Her. I dot der veller pehind dem diamonds vas brobrietor. 

Pea. Mr. Ulrich, I have invited the gentlemen to spend 
the evening in my room, and as they have accepted the invi- 
tation I would be pleased to have you join us. Eight y.ears 
ago I made my first tour as a commercial traveler, and dur- 
ing the trip formed Mr. Brown's acquaintance at this hotel, 
since then we have met often. Should he leave the road no 
doubt you will take his place, and if so, I hope we may be 
friends in the future, as Mr. Brown and I have been in the 
past. Several of us here have met this evening for the first 
time, but then it does not take commercial travelers long to 
become acquainted with each other. We are known at 
home ; as men of the same profession we form acquaintances 
and friendships among ourselves ; we form business acquaint- 
ances with those with whom we have business transactions ; 
hotel proprietors treat us well, it being to their interest to do 
so ; but otherwise we are a class distinct, we might say, from 
the balance of mankind. The newspapers remember us to 
the public as a herd of half educated drummers who are not 
at all necessary, and an injury to the commercial interests of 
the country. 

O' Neil. And Peabody, I think you had better quit the 
business and become a member of one of the many distin- 
guished Shaksperean clubs of the country, as a cackler you 
might make yourself entertaining to those unable to read. 
But if you do not like the higher drama, then I would advise 
you to take the stage for Woman's Rights, or go to writing 
epitaphs for country church yards. If you would stop 
drinking for a few days you might possibly get a job as a 
Temperance Lecturer at a good salary. You could tell what 
a hard case you have been without much reserve, as in the 
modern temperance field the devil and whiskey receive all 
the blame for bad actions, and the good people are not 
judged accountable for what, they do. The harder you have 
been and the more whiskey you have drank the greater would 
be your pay, and should you engage in the business, your 
income would be equal to the gross earnings of a second 



The Commercial Traveler. 13 

class railroad. If we are going to your room let us go, or 
let us go to bed, I must be up by 9 o'clock in the morning. 

Pea. Come on let us go to the room. 

S^They all start, O'Neil and Herman in the rear. 

O'Neil. Mr. Ulrich, it would be well to order your bag- 
gage sent to your room. 

[Herman orders baggage sent to room. 

O'Neil. Ven you go East or ven you go West, you stop 
at Reinhardt's dot vash de best. 

Her. You know Sherman ? 

O'Neil. Nix verstay der hobdine velt de nominie schmoc- 
kle. All I know about German is the beer part of it, and I 
like that very much. Exit. \_Curtain. 

SCENE III.— A Street Scene. 
Enter Barnes and McLain carrying valises. 

McLain. Barnes, I will go with you to Seth Longshore's 
place. Longshore sells groceries and liquors, and is good 
for all he will buy. I met a liquor man in his store once, but 
he failed to get an order. Longshore is from Jersey. If you 
should tell him that Jersey is your native state and praise 
him for keeping good liquors when he asks your opinion of 
an article of gin worth about one dollar a gallon for which 
he paid five, you will be sure to get an order. Liquor men 
who praise the gin sell him goods, but those who condemn 
it stand no chance whatever of making a sale. 

Bar. Do you know what part of Jersey he came from ? 

McEain. He came from Trenton, and if any man is loyal 
to his native place, Longshore is. He believes Trenton to 
be the metropolis of the country, and Jersey the first State 
in the Union. 

Bar. Can you go now ? 

McEain. Yes. 

Bar. Let us go then. I will make a strong effort to sell 
him. S^Exit Barnes and McLain. Curtain. , 



14 The Commercial Traveler. 

SCENE IV. — Longshore's Store. 
Enter McLain and Barnes. 

McLain. {^Shakes hands with Longshore.] I am glad to 
find you at home. But then I never expect you to be absent, 
as I have ahvays found you at your post. \_Intj-od2tces 
Barnes.] Mr. Longshore, this is my fi-iend Mr. Barnes. 
He is a Jerseyman and claims to sell good liquors. I told 
him you were a Jerseyman also, and if his liquors were not 
good that you would soon inform him of the fact. 

Ba7\ \_Shakcs hands with Longshore.] I am glad to 
meet you Mr. Longshore. I always like to meet a Jersey- 
man, being from Jersey myself Jerseymen are all gentle- 
men and good judges of liquor. 

Lo7ig. I'm glad ye're come to see me, Mr. Barnes. Does 
me good now an' then have chance shake hands with Jersey- 
man, thar's nobody like 'em. 

Bar. You think as I do, Mr. Longshore, men from other 
states may be good enough in their way, but they are not 
like Jerseymen; one Jerseyman is equal to a half a dozen of 
them; they blow and pipe about their states; and New 
Yorkers, Pennsylvanians and Ohioans have even gone so far 
as to try and make me believe their states were equal to 
Jersey. They might make a Vermonter or an ah — ah — 
spectacled Massachusetts chap believe such balderdash, but 
not a Jerseyman. 

Long. Now ye're talkin' facts, Mr. Barnes, jist like Jersey- 
men talks. Lets have 'nother shake. [ They shake ha?ids.~\ 
Does me good shake hands with Jerseyman, ha ha ha! 
Buckeyes an' Yorkers tryin' fool Jerseyman what can't be 
fooled, ha ha ha. Them thar Mars'chusetts chaps, them thar 
Yorkers talkin' 'bout York state bein' bigger'n Jersey, ha ha 
ha ; them thar fellers have bin 'round this hur way too, blow- 
in' thar pipes, Maryland oyster eaters, Nutmegers, Hoos- 
iers, Hawkeyes, Buckeyes, Suckers, an' even Canucks brag- 
,gin' 'bout little Canada, ha ha ha. See Mr. Barnes ye're 
true Jerseyman. Lets have 'nother shake, \_They shake 
hands.'] ha ha ha. 

Bar. What part of Jersey did you come from, Mr. Long- 
shore ? 



The Commercial Traveler. 15 

Long. Me ! Why I'm from Trenton, what is a city. 

Bar. Let us have another shake. [ They shake hands7[ I 
ahvays hke to meet a Jerseyman, but to meet a Jerseyman 
trom my old native city, Trenton, is something that does me 
good. 

Long. Ha ha ha, thar's no place like old Trenton. Old 
Trenton's thur place whar them thar Britishers and Hassins 
got what they didn't come fur. Them chaps didn't run 
'ginst cow-boys when they come foolin' 'round old Trenton, 
that's what wus ther matter, ha ha ha ! 

Bar. You are right, Mr. Longshore, the British and Hes- 
sians could not stand the fire when Trenton boys done the 
shooting. 

Lojig. Ye're right, Mr. Barnes, ye're not fiddlein' by air 
but by note, like Jerseymen fiddles. 

Bar. Mr. Longshore, do you remember a family by the 
name of Vanskenk, that lived near the Post Office ? 

Lo7ig. Vanskenk, V^anskenk. Yes, I b'lieve I remember 
them, What ever become of them thar gals ? 

Bar. All married. Three of them live in the West, and 
two of them in Boston. 

Long. Them thar wus all awful good lookin' gals, jist like 
Jersey gals is. 

Bar. S^Opens sample case and looks at his watch.'] Mr. 
Longshore, I will now show you samples of our goods. Am 
sorry I haven't much longer to stay. The next time I come 
we will have a long talk. 

Long. Next time ye come must stay hull day. 

Bar. [ Takes samples from case.] This, Mr. Longshore, is 
a sample of copper distilled rye, four years old, price three 
fifty per gallon ; this is a sample of Jersey peach brandy, 
five years old, price six dollars ; this is a sample of Holland 
gin, price four fifty. 

Long. \_Exami7ies samples of brandy and gin.] That's 
good brandy, that thar's Jersey brandy. That thar's tolera- 
ble gin too. 

McLain. Don't let him cheat you, Mr. Longshore. 

Long. 'Twas ye speakin ye'r self, was't Mr. McLain ? 

Bar. McLain, vour wit ODoresses me. a few more efforts 



i6 The Commercial Traveler. 

and Mr. Longshore will order me out. We have a local wit 
down our way. Don't. 

Long. Yes, thar's one uv them thar smart'n's here 'bouts 
what cum from over tother side uv Kansas post office, one uv 
them thar smart'n's known fur 'round as a hull ward, one uv 
them thar kind what the calves likes to chaw his coat, ha ha ha ! 

Ejiter Mr. Bombshell. 

Bomb. {^Shakes hands with Longshore.] How are you 
to-day, Mr. Longshore ? 

Lofig. I'm well thank ye. \_Inirod2ices Bombshell.] Boys 
this hur's Mr. Bombshell, uv ther firm uv Pay car & Bomb- 
shell, what sells teas. 

Bomb. I am in very much of a hurry, Mr. Longshore. 
The gentlemen have more time than I have, and it will not 
take me long to show my samples. {^Operis sainple case.'] I 
have a first Young Hyson that I must sell you. We 
have one half chest of it left. Let me look at some of your 
Young Hyson, if you have any. 

Long. \_Poznfs to package under coimte?'.'] Thar it is in 
that thar chest. Tell me what ye think uv it. 

Bomb. \^Goes to package and takes out tea, which he ex- 
ami7tes.'] Where did you get this tea ? 

Long. I got it uv a man what says he knows somethin' 
'bout teas. That thar's Young Hyson, and cost eighty-five 
cents. 

Bojnb. \_Exa77iini7ig tea.] This is not Young Hyson, it is 
Old Hyson, and not worth more than sixty cents. Who 
sent you such a tea as this for Young Hyson. I w^ould like 
to know who would send you such a tea as this, and charge 
you eighty-five cents for it. 

Long. Ye're right sure are ye, Mr. Bombshell, that he 
charged me too much fur it and that it arn't good. 

Bomb. Yes, I am sure, and would like to know who cheat- 
ed you. 

Lo7ig. Mr. Bombshell, ye're the man what sent me that 
thar tea. I got that thar tea uv you, Mr. Bombshell. 

Bofnb. \^Goes back to package a7id takes 77i07'e of the tea, 
which he exa77ii7ies.'] I see that I was mistaken, I took the 
first sample from the top and it happened to be broken 



The Commercial Traveler. 17 

leaves. I see now that the tea is much better than I thought 
it was, that it is a Young Hyson and a very good article. 
Let me show you a sample of a first Young Hyson. We 
have one half chest of it left. 

Long. Ye're the man what sent me that thar Old Hyson 
fur Young Hyson, Mr. Bombshell. I don't want any uv 
yer tea to-day. Ye kin send a Jerseyman Old Hyson fur 
Young Hyson once, Mr. Bombshell, but yer can't do it 
agin. [Bombshell closes sample case and leaves the store. 

McLain. Bombshell no doubt will hereafter try and not 
explode prematurely and in his own camp. 

Long. Bombshell can't send a Jerseyman Old Hyson fur 
Young Hyson an' then git a nuther chance to do it. Mr. 
Barnes, ye're showin' me samples uv yer goods, so I'll git 
yer 'pinion uv some gin what I've not bin out uv lately. 
lBri?igs sample and hands it to Barnes.] What say ye 
'bout that thar gin ? 

Bar. l^Examines and tastes the gin.~\ Well, I must say this 
is gin ! Mr. Longshore, where did you get such an article of 
gin as this ! Why, this is North Holland Gin, gin manufac- 
tured from juniper berries gathered from the Andes moun- 
tains of North Holland. No other man about here sells 
gin like this. 

Lo?ig. See Mr. Barnes ye know somethin' 'bout liquors. 
Ha ha" ha! one of them thar smart chaps was hur t'other 
day an' said that thar gin warn't worth dollar gallon, ha ha 
ha ! lots uv them fellers don't know whar them thar Andoes 
mountains is. Am not much needin' goods, Mr. Barnes, but 
ye may send me one barrel uv this hur rye whiskey, and 
one barrel uv this hur Jersey brandy. Allers like to buy uv 
a man what understand his business. 

Bar. [ Writes order in order-hooks.'] Am much obliged, 
Mr. Longshore, for the order. 

Long. Send 'em 'long an' ye'll git yer money 'fore thirty 
days. 

McLain. Mr. Longshore, what can I send you ? 

Long. Well, bins ye're travelin' in good company, ye may 
send me [McLain writes order in order-book.'] one barrel 
A. sugar, one barrel Schneider crackers, one sack Rio coffee 
an' one keg soda. That's all. 



i8 The Commercial Traveler. 

McLaiii. Am much obliged, Mr. Longshore. 

Long. Send 'em long an' ye'll git yer money 'fore thirty 
days. 

Bar. Having other parties to see it will keep us busy to 
get through by evening, so we will have to bid you good- 
bye, Mr. Longshore. \_Reaches to shake hands. 

hong. Not yit. {Brings brandy and glasses.'] Seldom 
drink any thing me self, an' not often ask any body else take 
drink, but we'll have little Jersey brandy 'fore ye go. {Each 
one fills his glass. 

A/cLain. Here's health to all. {Drinks. 

Long. An' here's to yer health, Mr. Barnes. An' yer 
health, Mr. McLain. An' that we'll prosper, and every body 
'11 prosper. And here's to ther flag an' the hull Union. 

{Drinks. 

Bar. 

And hercs to the land that we cherish and love, 

That its Hag may never be furled, 
For a union of states, a union of hearts 

And Liberty's march in the world ; 
To those who' are true to their country and homes— 

To the friends and scenes of their youth, 
For of such we learn they are loyal and kind, 

And strong in their friendship "and truth ; 
To the one who e'er sees in his backward gaze. 

The bright streams of the years of yore. 
Who remembers the joys of his earlier days ; 

Here is health, long life to Seth Longshore. 

{Drinks. 

Long. Won't ye take somethin' more? 

Bar. Not any I thank you, I have drank to my satisfac- 
tion, and if I should drink more it would be supurfluous. 

McLain. Will you not drink again, Mr. Longshore, you 
did not drink much ? 

Long. No, I thank ye, Lve drunk to my sanctificuscation, 
an' if I'd drink any more 'twould be flipus flopus. [Barnes 
and McLain bid X^o^g^^wo^y. good-bye. Curtain. 



SCENE V. — Peabody's room at the hotel. — Johnson, O'Neil, Cun- 
ningham, Peabody and Herman sitting at a table. — A stand with 
wine bottles and goblets on it. 

John. We have had a pleasant game. Mr. Ulrich always 
gets good cards and knows how to play them. 

O' Neil. If he leads off in selling goods like he does in 



The Commercial Travel"er. 19 

seven-up he ought to continue on the road. Peabody, ring 
the bell for that shady son of the sunny clime of sunny 
Africanus. Let us have some wine. When you have com- 
pany, you should treat them well. [Peabody rings bell.'] 
Mr. Ulrich, we have not done our share of the singing to- 
night. 

Pea. You have not done your share, and we expect both 
of you to sing. O'Neil you sing first, and then Mr. Ulrich 
will sing. [O'Neil sifigs. 

"There is not in this wide world a valley so sweet 

As that vale, in whose bosom the bright waters meet ; 
Oh ! the last ray of feeling and life must depart 
Ere the bloom of that valley shall fade from my heart ! 

Sweet Vale of Avoca ! how calm could I rest 
In thv bosom of shade, with the friends I love best ; 

Where the storms that we feel in this cold world should cease, 
And our hearts like the waters be mingled in peace." 

Pea. Well done, O'Neil. Now sing us a Scotch sofig, the 
Scotch songs are the best. 

O'Neil. My mother was a Scotch woman. Would ye 
moind thot now. 

Pea. Then you ought to be able to sing Scotch songs. If 
it were not that your name is Irish, you would claim to be a 
full blooded Scotchman, You are the first Irishman I have 
seen for some time who claims to be only half Scotch. But 
sing us a Scotch song, and you shall have the credit of be- 
ing half Scotch. 

O'Neil. Wad ye ha'e a half Scotch song ? 

Pea. No. We want something old ancl all Scotch. 

O'Neil. Somethin' auld an' a' Scotch. [Sings. 

"Come awa, hie awa, 

Come and be mine ain, lassie ; 
Row thee in my tartan plaid. 
An' fear nae wintry rain, lassie. 

A bonnv boAver shall be thy hame, 

And drest in silken sheen, lassie ; 
Ye'll be the fairest in the ha'. 

And gayest on the green, lassie. 

Come awa, hie awa. 

Come and be mine ain. lassie : 
Row the in my tartan plaid. 

An' fear nae wintry rain, lassie." 

Pea. Well, what did the lassie say ? 
O'Neil. The lassie said : 



20 The Commercial Traveler. 

Haud awa, bide awa, 

Haud awa frae me, Donald; 
What care I for a' your wealth, 

And a' that ye can gie, Donald ? 

I wadna lea" my Lowland lad. 
For a' your gowd and gear, Donald ; 

Sae tak your plaid, an' o'er the hill , 
An' stay nae langer here, Donald. 

Sae haud awa, bide awa. 

Come nae mair at e'en, Donald ; 
I wadna lea' my Lowland lad, 

To be a Highland queen, Donald." 

Pea. That was a good half Scotch song. We beHeve your 
mother was a Scotch woman. {^Servant raps at the door. 

Cy Neil. There's Hanibal Caesar Pompey Ebenezer Snow- 
ball, let him in. [Johnson opens door. 

Enter Servant. 

Serv. Your orders gem men. 

O' Neil. And Snowball, you're a good fellow, bring us two 
bottles of wine to settle what you brought us before. 

{^Exit Servant. 

Jolm. Now, Mr. Ulrich, we will hear you sing. 

Her. I bring my guitar, I get it. S^Exit Herman. 

Pea. Ulrich is crude, but there is good material in him. 

O' Neil. Yes, all he wants is experience. No doubt he can 
sing like a tea-kettle. 

E7itet Servant with wine. 

Serv. Wine, gemmen ? \^Exit Servant. 

Pea. We will all take a drink. \^Pours out the wine. 

Enter Herman. 

Her. I bring my guitar. 

Pea. We will have some wine. \^All drink. 

ONeil. Now we will hear Mr. Ulrich sing. 

Her. Vot vill I zing ? 

C Neil. Your favorite, 

Her. My vavorite. \'k\\o\\\o<\6iO\.\i&^s.\_Plays and sings. 

"When the swallows homeward fly. 

When the roses scatter' d lie. 
When from neither hill nor dale. 

Chants the silv'ry nightingale, 
In these words my bleeding heart 

Would to thee its grief impart ; 
When I thus thy image lose. 

Tan I, ah ! can I e'er know repose. 



The Commercial Traveler. 21 

When the white swan southward roves 

To seek at noon the orange grove,. 
When the red tints of the west 

Prove the sun is gone to rest, 
In these words my bleeding heart 

Would to thee its grief impart ; 
When I thus thy image lose. 

Can I, ah ! can I e'er know repose. 

Hush my heart why thus complain. 

Thou must too thy woes contain ; 
Though on earth no more we rove 

Loudly breathing vows of love, 
Thou, my heart, must find relief ; 

Yielding to these words belief; 
I shall see thy form again 

Though to-day we part in pain." 

{^Applauded by the company. 

Clin. I remember [^Looks at his watch.'] that my train 
leaves at 6 o'clock, and it is now 2 o'clock. 

O' Neil. Yes, we must go, three hours sleep is not too 
much for generals like us. 

Pea. We will drink the remaining bottle of wine. 

O'Nfeil. Yes, we should not encourage intemperance by- 
leaving it all for Peabody. Johnson will act as henchman, 
he can fill that office with more dignity and grace than any 
other one present. As a saloon keeper Johnson would be a 
success. 

John. \^Pouring out wine. 

• Once more ere we part fill the goblets with wine : 
We were strangers well met at even ; 
Now each voice and each eye tells of friendship's tie. 
We are friends, not strangers at parting. 

Her. Dot vas goot. \_Each takes up a glass . 

Cun, 

Each song has awakened some spell of the past. 

And memory has lengthened the chain, 
The joys that were ours has recalled them anew. 

To gladden our spirits again. 

Her. Dat vos besser as vos goot. 
aNeil. 

So here's to the eve when as strangers we met. 

The morn when as friends we are parting. 
And here's to the night lent to story and song— 

To mirth and our sorrows beguiling. 

Her. Dot vos goot as vos besser as vas goot. \_All dr ink. 
Cunningham and O'Neil <^/^ Peabody ^^^^-^j'*?, Johnson 
and Herman bid hijn good- evening. Exit Curtai?i. 



22 The Commercial Traveler. 

SCENE VI.— A Village in the Mountains.— A Street Scene. 
Enter McLain, Crosby and Rosenburg. 

McLaiii. I've had a good trade, considering the excite- 
ment and talk about a fair count. 

Cros. So have I. A person can hardly believe that so 
much business is done in this mountain town. Smithson 
told me that some of his customers come a distance of twen- 
ty miles. 

Ros. Have either of you sold Cardoza ? 

McLain. Not much, the old Indian never bought goods 
from a drummer. 

Cjin. Do you mean old Black Hawk ? 

McLain, Yes, I never called to see him but once, and that 
done me. Cardoza, they say, is one-fourth Indian, and for 
twenty years was connected with the army, as a scout. It is 
said that he was one of the best scouts e\-er in the service of 
the government. Nothing makes him so mad as to call him 
old Black Hawk. When he wants goods he goes to the city, 
and will not buy from one of the boys. We sell him, but 
one of the firm must wait on him. When he was a scout no 
doubt he used to report to the Generals, and Indian like pre- 
fers doing business with the big chief Big Injun! Chief! 
Eat much hominy ! 

Ros. Well ! if there don't come Alf Headley ! Wonder if 
he's selling goods ? 

Cros. Yes, this is his first trip. I met him yesterday. He 
thinks he knows it all, and believes he is the best salesman 
on the road, and the finest looking man in the country. 

McLain. Suppose we send him to sell old Black Hawk, 
and have some of the conceit taken out of him. 

Cros. That will do, if he has not been to see him, we will 
ha\e him go. 

Enfc7 Headley. 

Ros. {^Shakes /lands.^ How ho you do, Mr. Headley, I 
understand you are drumming. How do you find business ? 

Head. O splendid ! splendid ? All I want is a chance at 
a man, and if I don't sell him, he's not at home. 

McLain. Have vou sold Cardoza vet? 



The Commercial Traveler. 23 

Head. No. Where is his store ? I hear that he is hard to 
sell, but I am going to sell him. Hard men to sell are the 
kind I like, they pay better. 

McLain. They call Cardoza old Black Hawk. He used 
to be a government scout, and they say, the best on the bor- 
der. He has been alone so much during his life that he is 
very fond of talking when he gets a chance, just like a mod- 
ern temperance lecturer who has not had a drink for a long 
while, when he does get hold of a jug it takes all that's in it 
to fill him. It will be owing to how you introduce yourself, 
as to whether you sell him or not. You've got to be familiar. 
The way to waken him up, if you could do so, would be to 
step in unobserved, slap him on the back, and say, how are 
'you old Black Hawk. 

Head. I've been thinking of him, and that's about the 
way I thought of introducing myself I" sell him, now you 
remember. Where's his store ? 

Cros. Just around the corner from the hotel. 

Head. Well, I guess I will go and sell him. 

lExit Headlev. 

McLain. Come on boys, we'll go and see Headley come 
out of the store with old Black Hawk after him. 

Ros. Old Black Hawk might hurt him. 

McLain. Of course he'd hurt him, but there' no danger 
of a coward like Headley getting hurt, he'll run at the first 
demonstration Black Hawk makes. 

SCENE VII.— Cardo/a's Store. 

Cardoza. If I were younger and strong I would not be 
here. But years and wounds have done their work, and 
Cardoza the soldier and scout must seek a retreat, and no 
longer be known to the army and to fame. 

S^Passes arou)id counter to desk. 

Belter Headley. 

Head. \_Covies in unobserved — crosses roo7n to desk and 
strikes Cardoza on the dack.] How are you now, old Black 
Hawk? 

Car. \_Angrj' and excited — reaches for soniethiiio; 2inder 
the counter — does not find what he wants — looks aroiind and 



24 The Commercial Traveler. 

does not see ?V.] Tom ! Where's the hatchet? [Headley be- 
comes frighiened and steps back from the connter7\ Tom ! 
\Qx^v>ozx jumps over the counter?^ I'll teach you I [Head- 
ley d) ops his valise and hat. and starts for the door icith 
Cardoza i7i pursuit. Cardoza returns and kicks valise 
and hat out of the door.l That one got away, but the next 
one will not. [Curtain. 

SCENE VIII.— Office of a Village Hotel. 
Enter Herman carrying baggage. 
Her. [Finds no one in the office — takes a view of the 
rooni^ Dot vas vonies. Dem mans dole me dis vos der hodel, 
und yen I gomes no pody pees lookin' vorany pody vot vos 
hungry und vont a blace do schleab all night. Dot vas 
vonies. I gall dem, may pe do hear. [Calls^ Brobrietor ! 
Dot vas vonies, all of dese dings mit oudt votchin who dake 
dem. Dere vos no goferment gollecdors und Injun Agents 
in dese barts of der goundry, or dese dings here pe nod sure 
dem vas safe. Dot vas vonies. I gall vor doze uder mans. 
[ CallsT^ Landlord ! Bar-geeper ! 

Enter Landlord. 

Eand. I thought I heard some one calling. How do vou 
do? 

Her. I vos doin' pooty goot if I had somcdings do eat 
und a blace all night do schleab. 

Ea7id. Yes, yes, we can accomodate you. Let me have 
your baggage. [T'^Xv^- Herman's baggage.'] The train was 
a iittle late. They are eating supper now, and you can step 
right in. 

Her. Vou lief here long ? 

Land. I have lived here nigh unto thirty years. 

Her. You know Schorge Martin, who has a schtore here ? 

Land. Yes, I know George ^Martin. He is the biggest 
merchant in this section of the country and sells a power of 
goods. 

Her. I stop off do zee Schorge Martin. 

Land. There is no better man than George Martin in these 
parts. [Opens door leading to dining-room.'] This is the way, 
step in to supper. [Exit Herman and Landlord. 



The Commercial Traveler. 25 

Enter Crosby, McLain, Barnes and Rosenburg 
f7'oni din i?ig- room . 

McLain. I wonder who that one hundred and sixty 
pounds of bologna is ? 

Bar. I don't know. Limburger may be a commercial 
fcotman or a sample slinger, one of the two no doubt. Ros- 
enburg knows what a commercial footman is. He carried a 
four hundred pound pack for several years before reaching 
the rank of sample slinger. 

Ros. Yez, I know. 

C?'os. Bologna, as you call him, will be in soon. Wait 
until you see more of him before you criticise too freely. I'm 
not much of a judge, but I think he has more good sense 
than either of you. 

McLain. You may be right. We will wait. Boys, after 
a supper like that we ought to be able to sing some. \_Com- 
mences to sing a7id is joined by Rosenburg and Barnes. 

Chorus.— ■"When old Sim Simons is gone, 
When old Sim Simons is gone ; 
Then young Sim Simons will be Sim Simons, 
When old Sim Simons is gone." [Repeat. 

McLain. Crosby, you don't seem to be in very good spir- 
its. Business not good ? 

Cros. I'm not in very good spirits, and as for business, 
there will not be much of that until the count is o\'er. A 
man might get orders for Henry rifles if he had them — I 
believe that is the gun that shoots sixteen times and then 
repeats — but as to selling goods or making what we would 
call good sales that is out of the question. It is to be hoped 
that we will not have another such a count soon. I'm of the 
opinion that the American eagle is sick, and if the proper 
medicine is not administered that it will be several years 
before the count is over. The country is ready for a fight, 
and it will require but little to bring it on. 

McLain. You are right, Crosby, the country is ready for 
a fight, I have commenced to feel re\'olutionary myself. I 
thought business might be dull with you or that you had 
received another of those letters from your firm on retrench- 
ment and political economy. 

Cros. As to the letters, they come regularly and pretty 
much after the style of the one I showed you. McCuen 



26 The Commercial Traveler. 

puts in about one-third of his time looking over my expense 
account, one-third in writing- me to curtail my expenses, and 
the remainder in eating and sleeping. He thinks a dollar a 
day ought to be sufficient to pay my traveling expenses, and 
knows no reason why business should not be good. McCuen 
ought to be in Congress, we need two or three more wise 
men there, men of broad and liberal views. He would at 
once set about to have the army reduced in numbers and the 
few remaining soldiers put on double duty and quarter ra- 
tions. Retrenchment would be his motto, as long as it did 
not reach his own pocket-book. 

Enter Her^l\n. 

Her. Goot efenings, Shentlemans. \^AIl in one voice an- 
swer good-evening7\ Vos zome of yous a gommercial drav- 
eler, and knows Schorge Martin, vat geeps schtore in dese 
down? 

McLai7i, We are all salesmen and know George Martin. 
He is the leading merchant of the place. 

Her. I pees Charles Frederick Herman Llrich, mit 
McMillan, Baxter & Armstead, of New York, und stop of 
do zee Schorge Martin. 

Cros. I have heard Martin mention your hrm, and speak 
in the highest terms of George W. McMillan, the senior 
partner. McMillan and Martin are old time friends ; they 
were class-mates at an institution of learning in Scotland. 
McMillan is a Scotchman, and Martin was educated in Scot- 
land. 

Her. Schorge W. McMillan vas zo goot a mans as vas 
any mans. 

McLain. Mr. Ulrich, you don't believe a Scotchman to be 
as good as a German, do you ? 

Her. You dink vat you dink. I dink a goot Scotchman 
zo goot as vas a goot Sherman, and dot a goot Shermans 
vas zo goot as pees any pody, let dems pe Americans, Eng- 
lishmens or any podies else. You vas American und broud 
of dat. I pees a Sherman man und broud of dat I am a 
Sherman man. Dem Sherman mans vat pees not broud of 
der Fatherland vas not right. {^Applauded by Crosby, 
Barnes and Rosenburg. 



The Commercial Traveler. 27 

Bar. Mr. Ulrich, I believe as you do. Germans who ig- 
nore the virtues of the German government and people are 
not worthy of confidence or respect. Those who condemn 
the German civilization have no regard for industry, hones- 
ty, obedience, temperance, economy and education, and laws 
which respect alike the rich and the poor, the prince and 
the peasant. 

Her. You zay somedings vos zo. 

Cros. Mr. Ulrich, these are kind of war times. We know 
our national hymns and war songs, but they do not answer in 
the present crisis. We undertake to sing them but find that 
instead of enthusing they invariably bring on sick headache 
or cholic. Sing us a German w^ar song, we believe our 
American hymns to be the best, but they are not appropriate 
to the present war feeling. 

Her. I zing a Sherman war zong, {^Siiigs. 

"A roar like thunder strikes the ear, 

Like elans of arms or 1)rfakers near, 
•'On for the Rhine, the German lihine!"' 

•'Who shiehls tliee. my beloved Rhine'?'" 
Dear Fatherland, thou need'st not fear— 

Thy Rliineland wateh stands firmly here. 
A hundred thousand hearts beat high, 

The flash darts forth from ev'ry eye. 
l^or Teutons brave, inured by toil. 

Protect their country's holy soil. 
Dear Fatherland, thou need'st not fear— 

Thy Rliineland wateh stands firmly here. 
The heart may break in agouy. 

Yet Frenchman thou shalt never be. 
In water rich is Rhine; thy flood. 

Germania. rieli in lieroes' blood. 
Dear Fatherland, thou need'st not fear— 

Thy Rhineland watch stands firmly here. 
^\Tlen heavenward ascends the eye, 
''C)ur heroes' shosts look down from liijili : 
We swear to guard our dear bequest. 

And shield' it witli the German brea.st. 
Dear Fatherland, thou need'st not fear— 

Thy Rliineland watch stands firmly here. 
As long as German blood still glows. 

The German sword strikes mighty blows. 
And German marksmen take their stand. 

No foe sliall tread our native land. 
Dear Fatherland, thou need'st not fear— 

Thy Rhineland watch stands firmly here. 
We take the pledge. The stream runs by. 

Our banners, proud, are wafting high, 
On for the Rhine, the German Rhine ! 

We all die for our native Rhine. 
Hence, Fathcrland.be of good cheer— 

Thy Rhineland wateh stands Hrmly here." 

\ AhhlnvHed hv the comt)anv. 



28 The Commercial Traveler. 

McLain. By the way, Crosby, have you sold Mike Bon- 
ham ? 

Cros. No, nor you haven't either. Mike Bonham never 
bought goods of a commercial traveler ; it' he wanted a box 
of crackers he'd go to New York for them before he'd give 
the order to a salesman. He pays ten per cent more for his 
goods than any other man in the place but hasn't found it 
out yet. 

yicLaiii. I never sold him and never knew of a drummer 
selling him. For a little fun how would it do to make a run 
on him this e^-ening ? You to go in first with your cracker 
samples and try to force a sale ; when you come out Rosen- 
burg will take your samples and try him, and then Barnes, 
Mr. Ulrich and myself will each give him a call. He'll not 
know that the samples are the same. When five of us con- 
centrate on one article we may be able to make a breach 
in the old cuss' cussedness. We will represent ourselves to 
be from different cities, but will all make the same speech. 
What do you say, Crosby ? 

Cros, I'm willing, I'm ready for anything from a foot race 
to a revolution. 

Ros. He deserves it vrom vot I've heard, and let us give 
it to him. 

Bar, Yes, let us play it. Get your sample-case, Crosby, 
and we will go. Mr. Ulrich will go with us. [Crosby ^d'/.? 
sample-case. 

Her . Yes, I gares vor a leedle vones doo. 

{^All leave the office. Curtaiyi. 

SCENE IX. — A Village Store. — Several men and boys in the 
Store. — Michael Bonham, proprietor, behind desk at tlie end of 
counter. 

Enter Crosby. 

Cros. Is this Michael Bonham's store ? 

Men and boys. \_Pointing to desk, and in one voiced This 
is Michael Bonham's store. He's behind the desk. 

[BoxHAM comes from behind desk. 

Cros. ll/a?ids card and shakes hafids.'] This is Mr. Bon- 
ham, I believe ? 



The Commercial Traveler. 29 

Boji. Bonham is my name. 

Cros. I am glad to see you, Mr. Bonham. My name is 
McBride, I represent Bruce, Wallace, Montrose & Co., 
formerly of Glasgow, Scotland, now of Boston, manufactur- 
ers of crackers. {^Opens sample-case and spreads out sam- 
ples.~\ I want to show you a few samples of our crackers and 
give you an opportunity to buy good crackers at low prices. 

Bon. No doubt you have good goods, but then I do not 
wish to buy just at this time. You may leave your card, and 
when I come down I will call. 

C7'os. Mr. Bonham, you may think you do not wish to 
purchase at this time, but when you have examined the sam- 
ples and learned the prices of our crackers, you will not fail 
to give me an order. [ Takes from his pocket a lai^ge price 
list, which he mirolls7\ This is a list of the names and prices 
of the different grades and kinds of crackers we manufac- 
ture, and when you have looked at the samples and examin- 
ed the list closely you will not fail to give me an order. 

Bon. Yes, but 

Cros. Yes, our cracker establishment is not only the larg- 
est cracker establishment in this or any other country, but 
our capacity for making crackers is greater than the capacity 
of any other cracker manufactory. We make a greater 
variety of crackers, crackers superior in quality and style to 
all other crackers, crackers warranted to be free from 
mould or breakage, every cracker warranted to be all crack- 
er, and 

Bon. Yes, but 

Cros. Yes, I knew you would say so, and not fail to give 
me an order. 

Bon. Yes, but 

Cros, Yes, if only for ten boxes of our lemon crackers or 
fifty boxes assorted of our water crackers, soda crackers, gin- 
ger crackers, celebrated cider crackers, oyster crackers, best 
ever made cream crackers, never before equaled butter 
crackers, sweetest ever known sugar crackers, liberty crack- 
ers, fire crackers or any other kind or style of our extensive 
line of crackers 

Bon. Yes, yes, but 



Cros. Yes, all we wish to have you do at this time is to 



30 The Commercial Traveler. 

try a few boxes of our crackers. [^Holds up samples7\ This is 
our celebrated liberty cracker, at the present time we manu- 
facture them only for the Cuban insurgents and South Amer- 
ican republics, but if our political troubles should not be 
settled, then we will manufecture no other cracker, and will 
use our whole factory in making the liberty cracker, and 
brand them, fair count crackers. 

Bon. I will wait 'till I come down. 

Cros. \^Pids samples in case.'] I am sorjy, Mr. Bonham, 
that I am unable to sell you at this time. {^Shoics price list.'] 
Will you not look over our price list. 

Bo7i. Not now, I will wait 'till I come down. 

Cros. [^Closes sample-case and folds price list.] Well, then 
I will bid you good-bye, \_Shakes hands.] hoping that you 
will be down soon. \^Exif Crosby. 

E?ifer Rosexburg. 

Ros. Is dis Michael Bonham's store ? 

Men and boys. \_Pointing to desk, and in one voice.] This 
is Michael Bonham's store. He's behind the desk. 

[BoxHAM comes' from behind desk. 

Ros. Dis is Mr. Bonham. I pelieve ? 

Bon. Bonham is my name. 

Ros. \^Hands card and shakes hands.] I am zo happy to 
zee you, Mr. Bonham. My name is Vanderdecken Heimen- 
schlimmer, I represent Bismarck, Moltke, Schiller «& Co,, 
vormerly of Berlin, Prussia, now of St. Louis, United States, 
America, manufacturers of crackers. \^Ope7is valise and 
spreads ont samples^ I shust want to show you zome nice 
zamples of crackers, and give you shust one shance to buy 
a bill of crackers lower den I zell any pody else, sheaper den 
I zell a bruder. 

Bon. Yes, no doubt, but I have a full stock and I do not 
wish to buy. You may lea\'e your card and when I come 
down I will call. 

Ros. I would like zo well to give you shust one shance to 
buy sheap, I zell all der big houses, and ven I gome back 
dey all zay I vas der man vat zells such sheap crackers, and 
der band blays. 

Bon. Yes, but 



The Commercial Traveler. 31 

Ros. Ves, you shust look at zo nice crackers, and how 
sheap. Our cracker establishment ish ter biggist cracker 
establishment vot was ever in dis or any uder country what 
was ever known. 

Boil. I do not wish to buy now. When I come down I 
v/ill call. 

Ros. You better dake twenty boxes of our zelebrated su- 
gar crackers, twice as zweet as sugar, or twenty boxes of 
lemon crackers, twice as zweet as lemons. We make all der 
kind of crackers what is made. Oyster crackers, twice as 
good as oysters ; gream crackers, twice as nice as gream ; 
butter crackers, twice as good as butter ; water crackers, 
twice as good^ as water ; soda crackers, christmas crackers 
or any uder cracker what was ever made. 

Boil. I do not want any. 

Ros. You dink you not buy, but shust zee how sheap. 
\^Spreads Old an extensive price lisi.^ Shust look, ven you 
read ter brice list all over. [Bonham hir7is away.\_ You not 
want sheap crackers ? \_Puts samples in case and folds up 
price list.'] I'm zo zorry you not want to buy zo good crack- 
ers, and zo sheap. [Bonham retiiriis. 

Bon. I do not wish to buy now, I will call when I come 
down. 

Ros. I now bid you good-bye. You lose a pargain. 

{^Exit ROSENBURG. 

Enter McLain. 

McLaiji. Is this Michael Bonham's store ? 

Men and boys. \_Laugh, and ino?ie voice pointing to desk?^ 
This is where he stays. He's behind the desk . 

Bo7i. Who is it that wishes to see Michael Bonham ? 

McEain. Mr. Bonham. if you are not too busily ingaged, 
I would be pleased to see you. [Bonham comes from behind 
desk. McLain shakes hands with him.] I am glad to meet 
you, Mr. Bonham. \^Prese7its card which is refused by Bon- 
ham and falls on the coimter^ My name is Rufus Falstaff, 
I represent Blackstone, Coke, Erskine & Co., formerly of 
London, England, now of New York, manufacturers of 
crackers. \^Opens sample-case and spfcads out samples. 



32 The Commercial Traveler. 

Bo?i. I am not in want of crackers, sir. 

\^AfeiL and boys laiio^h. 

McLain. Mr. Bonham, you may think you do not wish to 
purchase, but 

Bon. I mean what I say, sir. You can put up your sam- 
ples. 

McLain. [ Takes price list from his pocket and nnro/ls it.'] 
No doubt, Mr. Bonham, you 

Bon. \_Excited'\ Sir, I know my own business better than 
you can tell me. There have been two cracker men here 
this evening before you. 

McLain. They received your orders then ? 

Bon. No. 

McLain. I am glad. [^Spreads out samples.'] When you 
examine our samples of crackers and have learned our 
prices you will not fail to give me an order. [Bonham stands 
and listois, men and boys tanq^h.] Our cracker establishment 
is not only the largest cracker manufactory in the world, 
but as far as we know, it is a much larger cracker establish- 
ment than is to be found upon any other one of the planets 
of the solar systems within the light of the grand central 
sun of the universe ; not only this, but we manufacture 
more kinds of crackers, and better crackers, crackers supe- 
rior in every respect to crackers made by other cracker 
establishments. [ Takes up a sample.] I would like to take 
your order for five hundred boxes of this make of crackers, 
our highly tiavored and superior lemon crackers, or an or- 
der for a few thousand boxes assorted of our celebrated oys- 
ter crackers, soda crackers, cider crackers, sailor crackers, 
cinnamon crackers, corn crackers, butter crackers, Boston 
crackers, sugar crackers, medicated crackers 

Bon. That will do young man, that is enough. 

McLain. Yes, but we have many other kinds of crackers. 
\Ve have the celebrated liberty cracker, which is pressed, 
baked and air dried, and warranted to stand either cold or 
heat, rain or fog. At this time we manufacture them only 
for North pole expeditions, Mexican patriots, Cuban insur- 
gents and South American republics, but 

Bon. That will do, you may put up your crackers. 



The Commercial Traveler. 33 

McLain. {^Piits crackers hi case and lakes up price list.'] 
Will you not look over our price list, Mr. Bonham, I may 
have missed the name of the cracker you want ? 

Bon. No. 

McLain. {^Closes sample-case and folds price list.'] Am 
sorry, Mr, Bonham, that I cannot sell you a bill of crackers. 
When you come down call and see us. I will now bid you 
good-bye, Mr. Bonham. {^Offers to shake hands but is re- 
fused?^ Good-bye, Mr. Bonham. \_Exit McLain. 

Bon. I want no more of this, I will have no more of it, I 
will have nothing to do with drummers. 

[ Goes behind desk. 
Enter Herman. 

Her. Pees dese der blace vere Michael Bonham geeps a 
schtore ? 

Men and boys. \^In one voice pointing to desk.] This is the 
place. He's behind the desk. 

Her. I veel zo glad, does mans dell me eii I go here dese 
vas der blace, und I gome do zee Michael Bonham. [Bon- 
ham comes pom behind desk. 

Bon. My name is Bonham. 

Her. [Shakes hands with Bonham.] I veel zo glad vot I 
meet Michael Bonham S^Hands Bonham a card zvhich he 
receives but does not read] und my name vas Shacob 
Schummelbacher. [Bonham walks away, men and boys 
laugh.] You gome back ven I dole you vot I vas. [Bonham 
returns. 

Bon. What do you say, sir ? 

Her. I zay you dink nudings right vor a vile ven you 
dink eif I vas der Shacob vat blay dot drick vile der old 
shendemen gouldn't zee him a leedle, do know vor sure eif 
it vas Esau. \_Boys cry more crackers.] I vas not der Shacob 
vot sheat Esau his bruder, und gome do sheat you. I vos 
Shacob Schummelbacher mit der Liberdy gracker vorks. 

Me7i and boys. That's the cracker house. 

Her. \_Addresses bystanders^ You zay now zomeding zo. 
[Bonham walks away.] You gome back ven I dole you 
zomedings an' make no voolishness. [Bonham returns. 

Bon. What do you say, sir ? I want none of your 
crackers. 



34 The Commercial Traveler. 

Her. You vont zomedings ven I geif you do hear aboud 
does Liberdy grackers, und dole you don't got vot make 
you rich. \^Opens sample-case^ You ton't dink der Liberdy 
gracker vorks vas bigger und better as vas all do gedder of 
gracker vorks peside. You don't vould dink undil I dole 
you, we gief avay vor nudings does gommon grackers und 
sharge only vor Liberdy grackers. {^Sprcads out samples.'] 
Does vas grackers I zend you vor nudings. 

Me7i and boys. Show your Liberty crackers, the crackers 
you are showing are worth nothing. 

Her. \_Addressi}ig 7nen and boys?\^ You zay two dimes 
zomedings zo. {^Spreads out saynples of Liberty crackers, 
BoxHAM stands and listens.'] Does leedle vellers I zell you 
now, und you den order dese big vones ven you hate dried 
der leedle vones. You eat der Liberdy gracker und you got 
schmart dot you know vat liberdy vas, und hafe de right do 
zell dree quarts vor a gallon, und dirteen ounces vor a pound, 
und dot money is vat makes der mules go. Dose big boler- 
ditions eat dem Liberdy grackers und know liberdy vas der 
right big dings vor dem. Does railroad mens eat der Lib- 
erdy grackers und know liberdy pees der right do buy dem 
law -makers do make laws vat dey vont. Dem legisladors 
eat Liberdy grackers an' know dey hafe der right do zell der 
votes. Dem bank an' insurance shentlemens eat Liberdy 
grackers und know zomeding vot liberdy vas. 

Me?i and boys. Them's the crackers, them's the Liberty 
crackers. 

Her. [Add/'esses me?i and boys.] You zay dree dimes 
zomedings zo. I zend you zome Liberdy grackers, und ven 
you got rich der Flunky Digers call der names der Bon- 
ham Digers, und do or dree days pevore der ball you hear 
dose drum beat, der beobles sheer, und all of does dwendy- 
vive Digers march droo der city, an' you pees galled Colonel, 
vich vos gome do mean cock of der valk. vich vas gooke- 
doodle. Den ven you vas a gookedoodle you zoon gots do 
be a Sheneral, vich vas got do mean every dings an' nud- 
ings in bardickular. 

Bystanders. Them's the kind of soldiers. \Ve want no 
reo-ular armv. 



The Commercial Traveler. 35 

Her. [addressing men and boys.'] You zay vour dimes 
zcmedings zo. 

Bon. We want no more of this. 
Her. You not buy Liberdy grackers. 

\_Piits sample i7i case. 
Bon. I will have no more of this, put up your samples 
and go. I have nothing to do with drummers. 

[ Goes behmd desk. 
Her. I go ven a mans dole me dat vor sure. 

\^Exit Herman. 

Enter Barnes. 

Bar. Is this Michael Bonham's store ? 

^len and boys. {Laugh, and in 07ie voice pointing to desk.] 
This is the place. He's behind the desk. 

Bo?z. Who now wishes to see Bonham ? 

Bar. If not too busily engaged, Mr. Bonham, I would like 
to see you for a few moments. [Bonham comes from behind 
desk. Barnes reaches to shake hands bnt is refused. Am 
glad to see you, Mr. Bonham. 

Bon. You are ? 

Bar. Yes, very glad to meet you. My name 

Bo7i. It is ? 

Bar. Yes, my name is Eugene Jarvis, I represent 

Bon. [^Excited.] You do, do you ? 

Bar. Yes, I represent McMahon, Beauharnais, Murat & 
Co., late of Paris, France, now of Philadelphia, manufac- 
turers of crackers. \^Ope7is sa77iple-case.'] I want to show you 
samples of our crackers. 

Bon. [A7igry and excited.] You do ? I will have no more 
of this. [ Turns and calls^ Bob ! Do you hear me ? Bob ! 
[ Walks backward a7id forward behi7id the counter^ I will 
have no more of this. Bob ! \_Boy co7Jies to the door.] Put 
out the lights — put up the lights and put out the shutters ! 
\_Boy blows out a light.] Crackers, crackers, the whole d — d 
country has gone into the cracker business ! [Barnes, 77ien 
a7id boys crowd to the door, C7yi7ig crackers, crackers. 

\_ Cur tain. 



36 The Commercial Traveler. 



ACT III 

SCENE I.— Office of McMillan, Raxter & Arinstead.— Armstead 
and Walters in the office. 

£?ifer Baxter. 

Bax. [^Excitedfy.'\ Wise & Morton have failed ; we hold 
their paper for fifty thousand dollars, which falls due on Fri- 
day. It is said they will pay little or nothin^Q^, having lost 
heavily in a grain speculation, and no doubt worth nothing 
at the best. Brown contracted the debt, and a man that 
would sell such parties should be discharged from the ser- 
vice of any commercial house. He has been absent almost 
a month and not heard from. Our obligations for one hun- 
dred and fifty thousand dollars matures in one week from to- 
day, and a few more failures will bankrupt the firm. 

Enter McMillan. 

McMil. Good-morning, gentlemen. 

Bax. Wise & Morton have failed; their note for fifty 
thousand dollars falls due on Friday. 

McMil. Is it possible! These failures are becoming alarm- 
ingly frequent ! One hundred and five thousand in one 
week is very severe. Our note for one hundred and fifty 
thousand will be due one week from to-day. With this last 
failure we will not have money sufficient to meet it. I dis- 
posed of some stock a few days since, and have seventy-five 
thousand on call in the Fidelity Savings Bank. The firm 
can have the use of the money for a time, which will enable 
us to meet our obligations. Were it not that I happen to 
have the money on call we could not well meet our note. 
But our obligations must be met as long as I have money to 
meet them. • Have we no word from Mr. Brown ? 

Bax. No, I think he has gone to Europe or South Amer- 
ica, and will return in- the Spring. 

McMil. Have we heard from Herman within the last few 
days? He is doing well, even better than I expected. 

Bax. We have not heard from him since last Friday. At 
first he wrote every day, then every two days, and laterly, 



The Commercial Traveler. 37 

every four days. We have not heard from him to-day, so I 
suppose he has lengthened the time to eight days. 

McMil. When will Banks & Weddel's note be due ? 

Bax. It was due on Saturday. We should have a return 
to-day, and not later than to-morrow. 

Enter Bank Messenger. 

Bax. Well ! what now? 

Mess. Banks & Weddel's note — have made an assign- 
ment. \_Exit messenger. 

McMil. Can it be possible ! Have made an assignment ! 
Why Mr. Brown received from them a statement of their 
affairs, and Banks represented the firm to be worth one hun- 
dred thousand dollars. They obtained the goods under 
false pretense, and should be made to suffer for it. Send 
their note to Herman at once, with all necessary instructions. 
Have him see our attorney, Mr. Carrick, and if they do not 
pay the amount we will have them prosecuted without de- 
lay. To obtain goods under false pretense is a penitentiary 
offense, and we should not be wanting in effort to bring them 
to jusdce. Instruct Herman to accept of no compromise. 
Mr. Armstead lose no time in attending to the matter, tele- 
graph him to wait, the papers will reach him by Friday. 
Mr. Brown's estimate of the character of the men was cor- 
rect. [Baxter leaves the office.'] There was a time when I 
judged no man of dishonesty, in fact I believed all men to 
be honest, men were more honest than now. There was a 
time when positions of honor were filled by honorable men, 
men who guarded the interests of the people and sought the 
welfare of their country. To-day, all men are not dishonor- 
able, but it seems that a want of integrity is pervading every 
avenue of public and civil life, and that pretense and intrigue 
have more than equaled worth and honesty in the race for 
public and civil precedent. S^Turns to Walters] What 
amount of money have we in bank? 

Wal. \_Refersto check-book.'] The firm has in bank a 
credit balance of seventy -five thousand dollars, there are 
four notes, on good firms, amounting to thirty thousand 
dollars, which will be paid during the week. By Saturday 
the firm will have a credit balance of one hundred and five 
thousand dollars. 



38 The Commercial Traveler. 

Arm. Mr. Walters, you will find a check in the drawer 
for four thousand dollars, which please give me credit for 
and deposit. 

McMil. We are much obliged, Mr. Armstead, For the 
first time we are in need of money, and four thousand dol- 
lars will bean addition to what we have. By Saturday, in- 
cluding your check, we will have one hundred and nine 
thousand dollars, and on Friday or Saturday I will give the 
firm a check for the seventy-five thousand I have on deposit 
in the Fidelity Savings Bank, which will increase our credit 
balance to one hundred and eighty thousand dollars. I was 
under the impression that we had more money. 

Wal. Mr. Baxter has drawn some money during the last 
few days. 

McMil. Has he drawn much? 

Wal. Twenty thousand dollars. 

McMil. Is it possible ! He has not been making invest- 
ments that I have heard of, and twenty thousand dollars at 
this time, when so many of our customers are failing and we 
are in need of money, is quite a sum to take from the busi- 
ness. I have not felt well this morning and think perhaps 
it would be best for me to go home and rest during the re- 
mainder of the day. \_Exit McMillan. Curtain. 

SCENE IL— Office of Banks & AVeddel.— Banks in the office. 
Enter Weddel. 
Wed. Banks, you should have had more sense than to 
have given McMillan, Baxter & Armstead that statement of 
our affairs. It may give us some trouble. From the rest of 
our creditors we have nothing to fear, they must take what 
we see proper to give them and be satisfied with what they 
get. I spoke to Roby in relation to the matter and he 
thinks you made a mistake, that it would have been better 
not to have bought the goods, and that our only course, pro- 
viding they have the statement, will be to pay them in full. 

Enter Roby, attorney for Banks & Weddel. 
Roby. And how are you now ? 
Banks. All well. 
Wed. I was mentionin$r the conversation we had. 



The Commercial Traveler. 39 

Roby. Yes, well the only safe course to pursue will be to 
pay the note and try and get the statement. 

Banks. If you could arrange the matter for us we would 
be \villing- to pay you three thousand dollars additional. 

Roby. It would be impossible for me to do so. My only 
advice is to. pay the note and get the statement, any other 
course will lead you into trouble. -^ 

Entej' Herman and Carrick, attorney. 

Her. Vas dis der office vere Banks & Veddel vos geepin? 

Banks. This is their office. My name is Banks, S^Point- 
ing to Weddel.] and that is Mr. Weddel. Any thing we 
can do for you ? 

Her. I gome vrom McMillan, Baxter & Armstead, of 
New York. I gome vor no voolishness, but gome vor 
dwenty-vive tousand dollar vot you owe. \^Frodnces 7iote.'] 
Dis vas your note and it must be baid right now. You 
make voolishnesss mit compromise or bromise, I hear nud- 
ing. I vas gome vor der money right now. You not bay 
it I pring te constable, I prings ter bolice, I prings der sheriff 
and have you taken vor robbers, vor valse bretense. [^Pro- 
duces statement?^ You sign him dot you vas wort one hun- 
dred tousand dollars, and pies dwenty-vive tousand dollar 
wort of goots, now you vas broke up, vich vas a lie, and 
I make no voolishness. You not bay him you vill be arrest- 
ed vor robbers. 

Wed. [Shakes hands with Herman.] Of course we will 
pay the amount. We are glad to see you. The debt was 
contracted before our embarrassment and we have left mon- 
ey in trust to meet our note in favor of McMillan, Baxter & 
Armstead. If you have the note and the statement of our 
financial condidon at the time it was given we will take them 
and give you the money. You do us a kindness in present- 
ing the note, it will save us the trouble of remitting. Shall 
we give you a draft, or would you prefer the currency ? 

Her. I vont der money in greenpacks, dem vas goot. 

Wed. [Pointing to Roby.] Our attorney and Mr. Banks 
will go for the money and have it here in a few minutes. 
Your name ? [Exit Banks and Roby. 



40 The Commercial Traveler. 

Her. My name vas Charles Frederick Herman Ulrich, 
gommercial draveler, peesnis agent and lawyer vor McMil- 
lan, Baxter & Armstead, of New York. 

Wed. Yes, yes. Be seated, the gentlemen will return in 
a few moments. I suppose your friend is from New York, 
also ? 

Her. No, he vas vrom Cincinnati. 

Car. I came with Mr. Ulrich he being unacquainted with 
the locality of your office. 

Wed. It is a sore trial for those who have labored for 
many years to accumulate wealth, and when success has been 
attained to see all swept away by an unwise speculation. 
Dishonest men will defraud their creditors and retain money 
which does not belong to them, but Banks & Weddel could 
not do as much As christian gentlemen, and unforgetful of 
their high social standing and their relations to the church, 
they can but set an example of faith and honesty to the 



w 



orld. 



Enter Banks and Robv. 

Bmiks. We have the money, the gentlemen will please 
count it. 

[Herman and Carrick receive and count the ?no7iey. 

Car. Twenty -five thousand dollars, the amount wanted. 
Mr. Ulrich you will now give the note to them. [Herman 
hands note to Weddel.] If not objectionable I would like 
to retain the statement given by Banks & Weddel to McMil- 
lan, Baxter & Armstead. My name is Carrick, and as I am 
employed by the creditors of Banks & Weddel I would be 
pleased to retain the statement, 

Banks. \_Excitedly.'] You cannot have it. 

Car. Just as you like, I have a duplicate of it, which can 
be proven to be a genuine copy of the original. [Addresses 
Herman.] Mr. Ulrich, we will go to the Express office. 
You wish to remit the money. 

He7\ We go. [ Turns and addresses Banks and Weddel.] 
It vas veil enough dat you baid der money. 

[Exit Herman and Carrick. 

Wed. And that was Carrick the collector! We have the 
statement given by us to McMillan, Baxter & Armstead, but 



The Commercial Traveler. 41 

Carrick has a copy of it, and can produce evidence to prove 
that it is a true one, which will expose our duplicity and ras- 
cality to the world. There is but one course left us, and that 
is to see Carrick, and try and have to-day's transactions kept 
a secret. I have but little hope of the result. We have serv- 
ed the devil in Heaven's livery, but we may be forced to 
serve him in his own livery. [A// are excited?^ Come, let us 
go at once. {^Curtain. 



SCENE III.— Office of McMillan, Baxter k Annstead. 

Enter Baxter. 

Bax. {Looks at his watch?^ I am early ; plenty of time : 
a half hour before either of them will be here. Yes, yes, I 
will draw a check for forty thousand dollars, and be at the 
bank when it opens. {Takes check-book fj^om safe a?id draws 
check.l That will do. Pay to Aaron Baxter or order, forty 
thousand dollars, McMillan, Baxter & Armstead. Money 
is what we want ; money is what we must have if we would 
be anything in the eyes of the world. Money is the stand- 
ard and the only true measure by which to judge man or 
woman. Money gives us character and social and political 
standing, all of\vhich it should do. Talent, honesty, bra- 
very, ha! ha! ha! foolish sounding words, well enough they 
may be when backed by money, but contemptible without 
it. Philanthropy, an empty sound; poverty, the reward ol 
honest fools. On Tuesday next the firm of McMillan, Bax- 
ter & Armstead will close its doors, — will be compelled to 
make an assignment for the benefit of its creditors. The 
other members of the firm may give what they have in 
foolish acts of honesty, but Aaron Baxter will not sink to 
the level of the rabble,' he will not sacrifice his standing in the 
eyes of the world in the name of honesty. Others may do 
as they choose, McMillan and Armstead may give what 
they have, but they and their giving will soon be forgotten, 
and the time will come when they will praise the wisdom 
and court the favor of Aaron Baxter. Money should be the 
sole object, and that which prompts a man to act. We live 
in an age of reason, and our acts should be guided by rea- 
son. I married for money, ha! ha! hal When my honora- 



42 The Commercial Traveler. 

ble father-in-law takes his departure, ha! ha! ha! the time 
will come w^hen Aaron Baxter will be a man among men, 
and beggars shall feel his power and know his worth, [^Looks 
at his watch.'] The bank will soon open, I must go. 

\^Exit Baxter. 
Enter Armstead and Walters. 

Arm. It seems that no one suspected the true condition 
of the Fidelity Savings Bank until within the last two days. 
Depositors will loose their deposits in full. Mr. McMillan 
will loose seventy-five thousand dollars. I am sorry, not on- 
ly as to the effect his loss will have on the firm, but that 
such a man should suffer by the acts of rascals. The den 
of hypocrites and thieves would have been a more appro- 
priate name than the Fidelity Savings Bank. Owing to 
Mr. McMillan's loss we may not be able to meet our note 
which falls due on Monday. Heretofore, his paper would 
have been gladly received for three times the amount we 
need, but it is known that we have lost heavily of late, and 
a further loss of seventy -five thousand dollars I fear will 
prevent him from getting the money. He may have friends 
who will come to his rescue, or at least there are those who 
should do so if they would do for him what he has done for 
them; I have little hope however. The vice of ingratitude 
is the inherent vice of the hog, but it is also prevalent 
among men, and tact and hypocrisy are too often mistaken 
for friendship. 

Enter McMillan. 

McMil. It would seem that misfortunes, like birds, come 
in flocks. By the failure of the Fidelity Savings bank I lose 
seventy-five thousand dollars, and am unable to render the 
firm further assistance, I would gladly do so but I have no 
money. We need forty thousand dollars. Any banking 
house would be secure in discounting our paper for three 
times the amount, but to-day I have no credit and no friends. 
Men, for whom I endorsed and rendered aid when they 
most needed support, shun me, and those who owe their 
prosperity to my good offices do not know me now. To- 
day I have learned more than I knew in the past; I have 
learned that when fortune favors us selfishness, transgression 



The Commercial Traveler. 43 

and ingratitude seek us in the guise of friendship, but shun 
us in the hour of adversity. There is a moral heroism, as 
well as a heroism in war. Many a craven heart is sheltered 
by the cloak of wealth, and until the hour of battle bravery 
is attributed to many a coward. Self denial, sincerity and 
truth are attributes which the craven does not possess, and 
bravery is prompted by impulses which the coward never 
feels; they are not possessed only by those in a certain 
sphere of life they belong alike to the rich and the poor, and 
those who possess them are the true noblemen of the land. 
Our losses have been exagerated, we are unable to meet our 
obligations and we must make an assignment. Has Mr. 
Baxter been here to-day? 

IVa/. \^Examining check-book.'] It would seem so. He 
has drawn a check of this date for forty thousand dollars, in 
favor of Aaron Baxter. 

McMil. Do I understand you! has drawn a check for for- 
ty thousand dollars! He had already drawn as much as his 
interest in the business. And is Aaron Baxter too a rascal ! 
And am I to receive ingratitude and theft at the hands of 
Aaron Baxter ! I am unwell and must go home. Please go 
to the bank, and when you have learned the particulars come 
and tell me. \_Exit McMillan. 

Arm. \_Addresshig Walters.] Bring the check-book. 
\_Exit Armstead and Walters. Curtain. 

SCENE IV.— Washinoton City.— A Street Scene. 

Enter Herman, carrying valise. 

Her. I bass along by dat vine house and dot vine poody 
lady vot vas dustin' der vinders, dot vine poody girl I dot 
vas Louisa. She look at me, I look at her, den der vine lady 
vot vos own ter house call her avay. Dat vos Louisa ; it 
cannot vas bossible dat vos not Louisa. I go pack and 
know ver sure. {^Exit Herman. 

Enter Louisa, carrying basket. 

Lou. I not meet him. I gome round der street zo vast, 
but he has vent by. I dink dat vos Herman Ulrich, and 
hurry zo vast. Dot schmile vas zo like Herman used to 



44 The Commercial Traveler. 

laugh. But Herman vent to New York, and I grome to Bal- 
timore. He care not vor Louisa now. Herman vas a man 
and vear goot clothes, and marry one rich lady. Loaisa 
work vive year and make two hundred dollar \at she s.ive. 
Herman vas a man and marry one rich lady. 

[Sfts Her>l\x coming and steps aside. 

Ejiter Herman. 

Her. She vas gone already. \_Sees Louisa. Dat vos 
Louisa, I know vor sure. \_Stops and then app?o aches.'] Dis 
vos my Louisa dat I hunt zo long. 

Lou. You vas Herman who I wait vor zo long. 

[ They greet each other. 

Her. Herman vos not vorgot Louisa. [ Takes her basket 
and picks up his valise.] I go home \id you, and you go my 
\iie to New York. I vas a gommercial draveler now, and 
peesnis agent and lawyer vrom New ^Virk, but vas not vor- 
got Louisa vor any pody else. [i^.i//. 

Enter Policeman and Citizen. 

Cit. He was on this street twenty minutes ago. and I don't 
think has passed up this far. 

Pol. You are sure that he is selling goods without a 
license ? 

Cit. Yes, I am sure, when I asked him he told me that he 
would attend to his own business. He's as Dutch as cab- 
bage. You needn't be afraid. I will give you half of what I 
get. which will be half of the fine. You must take him be- 
fore old Thomas Jetlerson Wise, he'll make the fine heavy, 
which will be all the better for us. 

Enter Herman. 

Cit. {^Pointing to Herman.] That is the man. 

Pol. \_Stops Herman.]You are selling goods are you not? 

Her. You vant to buy zome goots ? 

Pol. Show me your license. 

He) . \o\ you ask me vor license. I vas not gome here 
vor votin'. 

Pol. You are selling goods without a license, and you are 
my prisoner. \^Takes hold ofHERyi Ay:. 

Cit. Take him alone. He's sure eame. 



The Commercial Traveler. 45 

Her. You make no voolishncss, you not arrest me. 
Pol. Come on now, and the less talk the better. [^Exit. 

£nler Cunningham and Johnson, carrying valises. 

Can. He is to be tried before the colored Justice, Thomas 
Jefter^on Wise. Wise has been in office but two weeks. 
O'Neil has gone to see him, and will try and have Herman 
discharged. 

Enter Peabody, carrying valise. 

John. Peabody, did you hear of Ulrich's arrest. 

Pea. No! 

Cun. Yes, he has been arrested for sellino: goods without 
a city license, and is to be tried before Thomas Jefferson 
Wise, the colored Justice. O'Neil has gone to see his honor 
before the trial commences. We must take our valises to 
the hotel and go to hear the trial. The boys will all be there. 
Come on. [i^x// Johnson, Peabody and Cunningham. 

Curtain. 



SCENE v.— Office of Thomas Jefferson Wise, Justice of the Peace. 
— Furniture consists of a number of chairs and a large table cov- 
ered with l)ooks. 

Just. Wise. Mo' business, mo' law to be compounded by 
Judge Wise. Two weeks in office an' very 'portent cases 
hab arib and mo' still arib'en. No mo' old Jeff, now, but 
Judge Wise, de hono'ble court. 

E7iter O'neil. 

O' Neil. [ Takes off hat and bows^ Have I the pleasure of 
addressing the Honorable Thomas Jefferson Wise ? 

Just. iVise. Dis am de court whar de hono'ble Thomas 
Jefferson Wise prozides. 

O' Neil. Judge Wise, I have come in the interest of one 
Herman Ulrich, who has been arrested for selling goods 
without a city license. Knowing you to be a wise interpre- 
ter and expounder of the constitution and laws of our coun- 
try, I desire to make you a present [Hands him a ten dollar 
bill.'] of some money, as a slight token of my appreciation 
of the decisions you have made, and the justice you have 



46 The Commercial Traveler. 

awarded during the short time you have been in office. It 
is a custom now, and more particularly so here at the capi- 
tal of the nation, to make presents to those holding high 
positions, the value of the presents always being less than 
the rewards returned by the very honorable gentlemen to 
whom the presents are made. I have not been able to find 
in the constitution of this great country where a state or a 
city has a right to impose a tax upon commerce, and visit 
your court for the purpose of hearing you decide that the 
law which brings Mr. Ulrich before you is unconstitutional, 
and to witness his discharge. Such a decision can but give 
you fame throughout the country, and insure you a rich re- 
ward from those most benefited by your wise interpretation 
of the law. 

Just. Wise, De court will congest de law and decide in de 
spirit ob de cons'tution. 

Enter Policeman, Herman, Citizens, Johnson, 
Peabody and others. 

Just. Wise. De pris'ner heb'en arobe de congregation will 
obserb de stillness ob de 'casion, and de court will enter into 
de 'liberation ob de question now ariben for its congestion. 
De pris'ner before de table ob justice will now make confes- 
sion ob guilt or not guilty. 

Her. Ven I sbeak, I sbeak vot I sbeak ; ven I zay, I zay 
vot I zay ; ven I tole, I tole vot I dold you dot American 
eagle vas already one humbug. I zometimes dink dot 
American eagle vas no humbug, dot dat American eagle vas 
died or vas gone avay, an' do or dree buzzards vas gome 
und vos voolin' der beobles. Dem ganderdate zay, goot 
Hons Michael dis land vos better den vos der Faderland ; 
dis vas der Liberdy land vere all der states vos vone, und der 
eagle schream ebluribus unum. I gome vrom New York vor 
zellin' goots vot der merchants vant, und ter bolice zay you 
are my brisoner. Vere vas dem eagle vot schream und 
schream ebluribus unum. Dem vos buzzards and geep sdill. 
In der Faderland it vos better den vas dot. Neder vas it 
dot vay in Britishland vere dem lion roar. Dem ganderdate 
zay goot Hons Michael dis vas der Liberdy land, vere der 
beobles vos all vree, und der rich mans und der boor mans 



The Commercial Traveler. 47 

vas ter zame pevore ter law, an' ven it pecs not zo dem ea- 
gle schream an' schream unci it must pe zo. Ven der var 
gome an' der rich mans vat hafe dree hundred dollar sday 
at home und der boor mans vot hafe no dree hundred dol- 
lar must go do der var ; ven der law make der rich man's 
dree hundred dollar zo goot as vos ter boor man's blood, 
vere pees dem eagle vot schream an' schream zo loud. 
Dem vos buzzards an' geep sdill. Dem ganderdate zay goot 
Hons Michael dis vas better den vas der Faderland. In ter 
Faderland it pees better den vas dot. Ven ter var gome in 
ter Faderland money pies no mans vree. Ter brince an' ter 
peasant pees der zame pevore der law an' vone alike as der 
cder vollos der vlag of der Faderland do battle. Dem gan- 
derdate zay goot Hons Michael in dis Liberdy land ter state 
brodects der life of der citizen, und ven it pees not zo, dem 
eagle schream an' schream und it must pe zo. Der mens 
vot make der vines boisons dem vines do make more mon- 
ies, der wholesale mens boisons dem vines do make more 
monies, der redail mans boisons dem vines do make more 
monies. Ven ter beobles vat pies dem vines vas boisoned 
an' go mad; ven dem beobles vos died, vere pees dem eagle 
vot schream an' schream zo loud. Dem vos buzzards und 
geep sdill. In der Faderland it vos better den vas dat. In 
der Faderland ter mans vot boison der vines an' gills der 
beobles vas a griminal, und der vines vos bure, Ven dem 
boloditions vot hold pig office zay sdealin' der beobles mon- 
ies vas peesnis und liberdy vas der right vor do sdeal, vere 
vas dem eagle vot schream an' schream zo loud. Dem vos 
buzzards an' geep sdill. In der Faderland it vos bedder den 
vos dot. In der Faderland der mans vot sdeal der beobles 
monies vas a griminal. In der Faderland sdealin' der beo- 
bles monies vas not peesnis. Dem ganderdate zay goot 
Hons Michael dem bolerditions vat hold pig office vas pad 
but der beobles vos goot. It vas not dot vay. Ven der 
rulers vos goot ter beobles vos goot ; ven der rulers vos pad 
den der beobles dink cif dem- rulers do dat vay vey not we 
do dot vay doo, und dem beobles got pad. Dem gander- 
date zay goot Hons Michael dem eagle, dem eagle, dem ea- 
gle. I tole you vot I dold you dem vas buzzards ; I tole you 
vot I dold you dem eagle vas died or vas gone avay. S^Be- 



4S The Commercial Traveler. 

comes denwnstyative and excited.'] I tole you vot I dole you, 
vat I tole, vat I dole you — [O'Neil wJiispers to Herman 
— Herman stops suddenly and sits down. 

Just. Wise. De witness for de pers'cution ob de piis'n^r 
will now be obserb'd by de court for his test'mony. 
at. The prisoner was selling- ^^oods without a license. 

Just. Wise. Did witness saw de pris'ner sellin' ob de 
goods ? 

at. No, but he couldn't show his license. 

Just. Wise. De witness will take his seat and obserb de 
stillness ob de 'casion. De court will abstract test'mony 
Irom de next witness. 

Pol. There is no more witnesses. 

Just. Wise. De con,c>-reoation will now obserb de stillness 
ob de 'casion. De e'oidence ob de case hab'en been heard 
by de court, de court compounds de law and finds de pris'- 
ner not guilty ob de charge, and de law uncons'tutional 'cord- 
ing to de spirit ob de cons'tulion ob dese United States, and 
de costs ob de trial to be liquidated by de witness for de 
pers'cution ob de pris'ner. De court hab now 'journed, and 
de stillness ob de 'casion hab ended. \_Appla2cse. autain. 



SCENE VI.— Office of IMcMillan, Baxter & Armstead.— Armsteacl 
and Walters in the office. 

Ann. {Reading letter^ Mr. Brown writes that he has 
been in Indianapolis ten days. He states that he will write 
us on Saturday and will reach home Monday or Tuesday, 
which will be to-day or to-morrow. {Opens second letter.'] 
Have also a letter from Herman, enclosing several orders. 
Am sorry we cannot fill them. Herman will reach home to- 
day or to-morrow, and will bring his wife with him. 

Wal. Herman married ! 

Ann. He says so. 

Wal. If Baxter w^ere here he would compliment him high- 
ly, and on his arrival would congratulate him very much. 

Ami. No doubt. By the way, it is reported this morning 
that Baxter's father-in-law has failed. He was a heavy stock 
broker, and it may be that the late depression in stocks has 
been too much for him. The news, if true, will be hard lor 



The Commercial Traveler. 49 

Baxter to bear, not having an opportunity to over-draw as 
he did with us. He estimated his wife's wealth at three hun- 
dred thousand dollars, and I am sure does not believe in 
the longevity of fathers-in-law. If he had known that his 
father-in-law was about to fail he would have checked out 
all the money we had in bank. When he hears of the fail- 
ure no doubt he will conclude to make his business trip of 
long duration. \_Ope71s third letter.'] We have notice that 
our depositions will be taken in the case of the State of Ohio 
vs. Washington Banks and Madison Weddel. 

Enter McMillan. 

McMil. I have spoken to R. B. Conger, and he will act 
as our Assignee. He knows the value of our goods and will 
be a suitable person. There ought to be at least one hun- 
dred thousand dollars left, after making allowance for shrink- 
age and paying all our indebtedness. 

Arm. We have received letters from Mr. Brown and Her- 
man. They will both reach home by to-morrow, and per- 
haps to-day. Herman is married and will bring his wife 
with him. 

McMil. Herman married ! 

Arm. So he says, 

McMil. He does not know of our failure, and I am afraid 
will not be able to find employment. He has done well dur- 
ing his trip, and with experience would make a good sales- 
man. The merchants have confidence in him. I will do 
what I can for him, I have been informed that Baxter took 
with him five thousand dollars belonging to his church, in 
addition to the forty thousand stolen from us. It is reported 
this morning that Mr. Pool, Baxter's father-in-law, has failed. 

Ejiter Express Messenger. 

Mess. \^0pe7is package and counts 77ioney?^ McMillan, Bax- 
ter & Armstead : twenty-five thousand dollars, from Herman 
Ulrich. [Walters pays express charges. Exit messenger. 

McMil. Can it be possible that Herman collected Banks 
& Weddel's note ! 

Arm. {^Reading letter^ His letter states that the money 
was received from Banks & Weddel, in payment of their 
note. 



50 The Co^niERCiAL Traveler. 

Enter Letter Carrier. 

Arm. [ Op€7is letter containing draft.'] More money. [^Reads 
letter. 

Indianapolis, Jan. 1S77. 
Messers. McMillan, Baxter & Armstead, 

Dear Sirs : — Enclosed find draft for fifty thousand 
dollars, in full of note against Wise & Morton. It was all 
that I could do to secure the payment of the note. They 
lost heavily in a grain speculation and could not avoid their 
■ failure. They have the sympathy and respect of the people 
here. 

Very respectfully yours, 

Ckas. Brown. 
JleMil. Can it be possible ! And Mr. Brown and Herman 
have saved me from bankruptcy. Brown who has long 
been faithful to ni}' interests and little rewarded, the man 
whom Aaron Baxter would have discharged. Justice sooner 
or later, in this world or the world to come, is awarded unto 
all men, and justice will yet come unto Aaron Baxter. Draw 
a check for one hundred and fifty thousand dollars, deport 
the money we have received and lift our note. I am going 
out but will return soon. \^Exit McMillan. 

Enter Mr. and Mrs. Brown and Mr. and Mrs. Ulrich. 

Ar?}i. [Armstead and Walters icelcame Mr. and Mrs. 
Brown, zcelcome and congratulate HER:NrAN, and are intro- 
duced to his wife.'] Mr. McMillan stepped out but will return 
in a few minutes. 

Enter McMillan. 

McMil. [ \Velco}nes Mr. and Mrs. Brown, i^'elcomes ayid 
congratulates Herman, and is introduced to his wife.] We 
welcome you all home. We have had troubles of late, but 
the sky is brightening again. Mr. Baxter has left us, and 
by so doing has given room for those more deserving. To- 
morrow it will be made known that Aaron Baxter is no lon- 
ger with us. and that the late firm of McMillan, Baxter & 
Armstead will hereafter be known under the firm name of 
?>lcMillan, Armstead & Co.. the members of the new firm 
will be George W. McMillan, Robert B. Armstead, Charles 



The Commercial Traveler. 51 

Brown and Charles F. H. Ulrich. I am getting old, and the 
business of the new firm will devolve principally upon my 
partners, I will furnish the capital to conduct the business, 
and will charge six per cent interest for the use of the mon- 
ey. The profits will be equally divided among the four 
partners. When capital is rewarded by labor, labor in re- 
turn should be rewarded by capital. {^Curtain. 



THE END. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

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